mother father narcissist archetype

Letting go of the narcissistic parent and embracing the archetype of the true mother and father

There comes a time in the life of every person who has grown up with a narcissistic parent that they have to let go of the false mother or father. We need to see them as they really are and acknowledge we never had a real mother or father at all. We have to grieve the loss of what was really an illusion, heal our wounds, nurture our inner child –  and embrace the archetypal energy of the real mother or father. But how do we do that?

Archetypal energy

We need the archetypal energy of the mother and father principle in our lives – but when we have grown up with a narcissistic parent, we cannot build on the examples that we had in our childhood. Those were toxic, false, and warped. However, the Universe always maintains balance – so we can find the energy of the father or mother and implement them into our lives – in a different way.


The energy of the archetypal mother and father are templates we can find examples of everywhere: inside of us, and outside. If we are parents ourselves, we may find to our surprise that  we do have a healthy mother or father inside of us – we only need to turn that healthy energy on ourselves as well as our children. We can nurture our inner child as we do our children of flesh and blood – by connecting with that inner child and nurturing it, listening to it, allowing it, acknowledging it, letting it express itself and play.

Human examples

Sometimes we have other people in our lives, or on the periphery, who are excellent examples of fatherly or motherly energy. If we are lucky, they are people we can go to for comfort, encouragement, nurture, just like a real parent – and be inspired by them to implement those energies ourselves to sustain our inner child.


Another way we can connect with and implement the archetypal father or mother energy is connecting with Nature. The natural world abounds with examples that are very real and alive. If you are sensitive to them, you can partake in them.

Animal kingdom

For instance, some animals live the archetypal mother or father so well, it is humbling. I have met dogs and cats who were true teachers of the father or mother energy. I have had a pair of blue tits raising their little family on my balcony: their dedication was moving and inspiring – a true source of the mother and father archetype.

Mother and father trees

Trees, as well, can fulfil the same function. I have connected with trees that were real sources of either fatherly or motherly energy. One tree I met once stood straight and tall like a king – its energy protective and strong, like a true father’s. Another was motherly, it’s branches opening up to me like an earth mother – open and loving to all who needed it. Her all-encompassing warmth and acceptance brought tears to my eyes.

Past lives

We can also draw from our past lives, if that area is open to our consciousness.  We can draw upon the lives in which we did have real mothers and fathers and be inspired and nurtured by those. We can connect with the lives in which we were true fathers or mothers ourselves – and be inspired and comforted by our own past life personalities.

The world

But, if past lives are not your cup of tea, don’t worry, the world is full of energy examples and templates of true mother and father energy. We only have to let go of the false mother and father image, mourn the loss, let go and be open to the true sources of the mother and father – they are everywhere!

© Wendy Gillissen, M.A. 2019 This article is protected by copyright. No part of it may be used without prior consent of the author. You are welcome to share it using the social media buttons below. Thank you for respecting my work!

4 thoughts on “Letting go of the narcissistic parent and embracing the archetype of the true mother and father

  1. thank you Wendy, now that I read this I realise that instinctively I have been tuning into these kind of archetypes a lot the latest years…..
    it is so true and comforting

    1. You are so welcome Olivia, and thank you for your comment! How nice it is that our natural instincts help us to tune into what we need, consciously or subconsciously – and the Universe provides.

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